I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
