guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I did not marry a roomba.
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