dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
