i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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