i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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