you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
