So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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