Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
