Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We are two peas in an std pod
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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