I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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