i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
