i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize