i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
