I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
