You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
