sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
