My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
