Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
