So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
