What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
50% drunk capacity currently
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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