Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
