she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
