Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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