I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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