If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
