Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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