I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
