I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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