All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
