Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
