Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
