before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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