Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
nutella sex= disaster
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
