i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
this will be a night to untag.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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