I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
