We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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