just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
