Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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