She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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