Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
