So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize