Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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