Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
