Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
