just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
