Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
