Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
