WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
