We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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