I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
