I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
