I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
