when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i will never coherently bang her
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
