so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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