I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
