If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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