I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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