butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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