Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
