I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
