Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
