I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
