just tell him i said nine months
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
