I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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