R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
