I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
