im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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