help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
