OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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