batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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