does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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