How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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